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For Your Family Life
SHARON HINCK’S SECRET AGENT TOOLS…
I was a great expert at marriage theories . . . until I married. And I had reams of parenting techniques figured out . . . until I had children. Now that I’ve had some experience, spouting grand suggestions feels completely silly. However, I’m willing to share a few top-secret ideas that have enriched our family life over the past twenty-five years.
AUDIO SURVEILLANCE- Hymn of the Day
After hearing my children singing commercial jingles as they played, I was reminded how easily tunes can stick in our minds. To encourage uplifting thoughts to float into their little minds, we started the day with a "hymn of the day." Before they left for school, we gathered around the piano and sang a traditional hymn, or a contemporary praise and worship song. We sang it a few times through, with the youngest children adding percussion, and the older ones joining in with the instruments they played. While we kept this habit, I often myself humming our "hymn of the day" while in line at the grocery store or stuck in traffic.
ON-SITE DEBUGGING - Sunday Unplugged
In this age of overwhelming schedules and activities, we found it especially important to slow down for a weekly day of rest. Our Sundays became times of refreshing when we decided to go "low-tech" for that one day a week. We turned off television, computer, radio, video games, and didn’t even run the washer and dryer. To help our children enjoy Sunday as the high point of the week when they were young, we had a special "Sunday basket" of toys and books from the local Christian bookstore, which was only brought out on Sunday afternoons after church. All of this encouraged an atmosphere of quiet fun, old-fashioned conversation, and time to reflect on God’s goodness.
CODES AND CIPHERS - "ACTS" Prayer
We always have a circle prayer after supper, going around the table and letting each family member pray. Sometimes we slip into a habit of requests, forgetting the other elements of prayer. To assist us all, we sometimes use the "A.C.T.S." prayer.
A—adoration. We tell God something we adore about who He is.
C—confession. We share one specific thing we need His forgiveness for.
T—thanksgiving. We mention one of his gifts we are particularly grateful for.
S—supplication. We present God with a need that is on our heart.
When Joshua was five years old, he prayed, "Dear God, you are very big and strong. I’m sorry I hit my sister today. Thank you that we had brownies for dessert. Help my sister not steal my Legos anymore. Amen." Even though we use this sort of tool to help our children develop in their prayer life, in all honesty, it has helped the adults in the family just as much!
DEVELOPING ASSETS - Treasure Box
When we saved for a special family purchase - whether a vacation, computer software, or a backyard swing set, we wanted the whole family to get involved in the process of earning and saving. We placed a special wooden box on the dining room table and discussed the cost of the item and our goal as a family to save for it. We each committed to trying to earn extra money and put windfall money into the box. Sometimes we cut out a picture of the item to keep in the box, or made a chart to record our progress. Our toddlers contributed pennies they found, our older children contributed part of their baby-sitting or paper route money, and my husband and I put any extra free-lance income or a bit out of each paycheck into the box. When we finally saved enough, the children appreciated the new purchase because they were a part of saving toward it.
COVERT OPS - Birthday Party Game
When we invite a group of children over to help celebrate Joel or Katie’s birthday, we play a lot of good old-fashioned games. We have scavenger hunts, penny scrambles, and treasure hunts throughout the house and yard following clues to find little party gift bags. (One year Joel’s friends were almost stumped when they found a clue frozen inside a paper cup of ice. They finally figured out they had to melt it to reach the next clue.) We let the child choose a theme for the party. Joel’s detective party featured an invitation that we wrote backwards, so the guest had to hold it up to a mirror to read. The planning and scheming for these parties (with plenty of input from the whole family) is almost as much fun as the party. One of the games that leads to the most giggles is a "Fill-in Story" game. Each guest gets a piece of paper and pencil and writes down:
1. a place
2. a verb
3. a kind of transportation
4. a noun
5. a verb
6. a person
7. a feeling
8. a verb
(Or any variation that you design). Then, I read a short story, having the first guest fill in all the blanks from their list. The story is about the birthday child. For example, Katie’s story might read:
“One day, Katie woke up and remembered it was her birthday. She decided to go to (1. Mars). So she (2. danced) all the way in a (3. submarine). When she arrived she saw a (4. pizza). She was so amazed, she (5. swam) to visit (6. Donald Duck). After that she felt (7. angry) so she decided to (8. crawl) home. That was the most interesting birthday she ever had!”
We give prizes for the silliest and the most sensible stories, although usually they are all so goofy, we just give everyone a prize!
COUNTERINTELLIGENCE - Birthday Tradition
Children get all kinds of wrong messages from the world. Here’s one way to counter that false information. When our children were young, we had a special family dinner on their birthday. After the cake, and before opening gifts, we went around the table so each person could share something they appreciate or admire about the birthday child. Mom might say, "I sure appreciate how much more responsible you’ve become this year." Grandpa might say, "I love your Knock-Knock jokes." Little sister would add, "You’re a good piano player." All these little verbal "gifts" were an important addition to the wrapped packages on the table. We finished the meal with prayers of blessing for the birthday child. Grandma would pray, "I ask that God will help you grow closer to Him this year." Dad might pray, "Father in heaven, bless our child’s friendships this year." Sometimes a little brother asked, "Help him hit a home run in baseball this year." It reminded us all that our prayers and our encouragement are two of the best gifts we can give, not just at the birthday party, but throughout the year.
INFILTRATION - Bible Underlining Code
To help celebrate Joel’s first communion, I sewed a Bible cover to fit his Bible, with his name stitched on it, and a pocket built in. In the pocket, I put a box of colored pencils, and a 3×5 recipe card with a special "code" on it. I developed the code as a teen, and have used it throughout my life. I underline verses with commands and instructions in dark blue, promises and prophecies in purple, praise and worship in light blue, prayers in yellow, verses about love in red, about faith and the Holy Spirit in dark green, about salvation in light green, about sin and its results in grey, verses about God’s protection in orange. I draw a box around parables in dark green, and around miracles in red. The choices of color were fairly arbitrary, but it has worked well for me, and I hope it will help my son stay interested as he reads through the Bible.
RECONNAISSANCE - Back-and-Forth Journal
When my children were old enough to read and write comfortably, I made them each a special journal. Using a spiral bound notebook with plenty of pages, I sewed a fabric cover with their name appliquéd on the front. Any blank book or notebook would work, but decorating it helped to make it special. I began the notebook by writing a letter to each child, explaining that the notebook would be completely private, and a tool for us to write back and forth to each other. They could ask me any questions they want to, and share anything on their minds. Some topics are hard to talk about, and sometimes in a large family, it’s hard to catch mom alone. The journals ensured that each week they are guaranteed some extra personal time and attention. Every Sunday after church, I gave them their notebooks. During the afternoon they answered questions I had written, commented on things going on in the family, and asked their own questions of me. They returned the journals before bedtime on Sunday. During the week I answered their questions as I wrote back to them.
With their permission, here are a few examples of our correspondence:
Mom: What are some of the things that frighten you?
Son: Doing bad in school. Mom, it kind of makes it hard to like N as much anymore because now J (the girl I like) likes him.
Mom: I used to be afraid of doing bad in school, too . . . (lengthy mom discourse on trusting God, etc.) About J, . . . (another lengthy mom talk about relationships, etc.). What are five goals you have for yourself for the new school year?
Son: get on the honor roll and be a good athlete. What is your favorite book? What books do you think I should read, why?
Mom: those sound like good goals. I’m sure you can do them! Books? C.S. Lewis’ Perelandra is a favorite, so are Max Lucado’s, and Frank Peretti’s. I think for the rest of the summer you should read what you feel like reading, just for total fun (Robinson Crusoe, Call of the Wild, Kidnapped, are all good ones). I agree that Jo’s Boys wasn’t one of my favorites. It got a bit disjointed. Are you excited about Camp Omega next weekend? Do you think you’ll be homesick?
The journals gave my kids a safe place to vent their feelings, "Mom, I think you’re a bit over protective." or "I’m scared to tell you, but I don’t think I want to keep playing clarinet. Could I quit band?" I made it a point to always include some special words of love and encouragement each week, as well. I hope it will be a resource they can come back to often when they need to know someone is in their corner.
SAFE HOUSE - Morning Blessing
The first day my oldest child stood at the door, ready to catch the Kindergarten bus to school, I zipped his jacket, double-checked his backpack, and still felt something was missing. So before we walked out the door, I placed my hand on his head and said, "Joel, I bless you in the name of Jesus. May He keep you safe today as you travel, protect your health, and even more important, protect your mind and heart." This became a daily tradition.
When Katie began school, I took a moment to bless each child individually before they tumbled out the door. Later, baby Jenny and pre-schooler Joshua took their turns putting a hand on Joel and Katie’s head and saying "Bwess You."
This habit became so ingrained over the years, that when I was recently in bed with a serious illness and couldn’t make it to the doorway, Joel and Katie both ran into the bedroom in their coats and boots and said, "Mom, bless me! It’s time to go.”
Our blessings expanded to include a quick prayer about a special need for the day, (help on the spelling test, strength to be kind to the class bully, courage for trying a new sport at recess). And there were days when one of the kids paused to put a hand on my head and bless me as well.